Behavior change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not as simple as setting a goal or making a New Year’s resolution.

If you’ve ever joined a gym in January, you know what I mean. The place is packed—treadmills are taken, classes are full, and the energy is buzzing with new goals and high hopes.

By mid-February the scene looks quite different. Many of those eager “gym rats” are nowhere to be found, despite their strong initial motivation. It’s not because they weren’t serious about their goals; rather, it’s because forming new habits and making long-term behavioral changes are far more challenging than most people expect.

Behavior change is a complex process that unfolds in stages, and it can be a little messy at times. Often, the journey is nonlinear, with progress and setbacks along the way. Someone may find themselves moving forward, falling back, and then pushing ahead again. It’s a deeply personal journey that looks different for everyone, depending on their experiences, mindset, and readiness.

Behavior change typically happens in five distinct stages. Understanding these stages can help us help our friends and family members on their journey.

Behavior change: The Precontemplation stage

In the precontemplation stage of behavioral change, people are sedentary and are not even contemplating making healthy choices. In fact, they might not see their current behavior as problematic at all. At this point, they may not have any intention of changing their habits, and they might even actively resist efforts from others to encourage them to do so. Their responses to suggestions for change often reflect this resistance, with statements like, “I won’t,” “I can’t,” or “That’s just not me.” This resistance is not due to laziness or a lack of willpower, but rather, it can stem from a variety of factors—such as fear of failure, a lack of confidence, or simply a lack of awareness about the need for change.

When someone is in this stage, it is crucial to establish rapport and build trust before trying to inspire any changes. Forcing change prematurely or aggressively confronting their current behavior will likely push them further away. Instead, the goal at this point is to build a relationship that allows them to feel comfortable, respected, and understood. Here are some key strategies for helping someone in the precontemplation stage:

1. Listen with Empathy and Without Judgment

One of the most powerful ways to build trust is by listening. People in the precontemplation stage often feel defensive when their behaviors are questioned, so it’s important to listen to them without judgment. By allowing them to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, you show that you’re genuinely interested in understanding their perspective.

Active listening is key—don’t interrupt or try to offer solutions too quickly. Instead, acknowledge what they are saying, whether they are expressing satisfaction with their current lifestyle or talking about the barriers they feel prevent them from making a change. Empathetic listening might sound like: “I hear you. It seems like you really value your time relaxing after work. That’s important.” This validates their feelings and makes them feel heard.

2. Acknowledge the Aspects of the Problem Behavior They Enjoy

Another important approach in this stage is to avoid immediately criticizing the unhealthy behaviors. People often engage in behaviors, even harmful ones, because those actions provide them with some form of benefit—whether it’s comfort, pleasure, or relief from stress. Instead of dismissing these behaviors outright, acknowledge the positive elements they associate with them.

For example, if a person likes to watch TV late at night, you could comment, “I understand that watching your favorite show can be a relaxing way to end a busy day.” Recognizing the positive side of their habit prevents feelings of isolation and demonstrates empathy. This method also sets the stage for subsequent discussions on different habits that could meet the same needs more beneficially.

3. Commend them for Being Open to Listening

At this stage, small victories matter, and one of those victories is the fact that they are even engaging in a conversation about behavior change. While they might not be ready to take any concrete steps yet, the mere act of listening to suggestions and participating in a dialogue is a step forward. Commend them for their willingness to talk about their habits and the possibility of change, even if it’s just a brief discussion.

For example, you could say something like, “I really appreciate that you’re taking the time to have this conversation. Just being open to talking about it shows that you’re willing to explore some new ideas, and that’s a great first step.” This type of positive reinforcement encourages them to continue being open in the future and makes them feel good about their involvement in the conversation, no matter how small it may seem.

4. Avoid Pressuring or Offering Quick Solutions

One of the biggest mistakes when working with someone in the precontemplation stage is pressuring them to take action before they’re ready. Offering solutions like “Why don’t you try this?” or “You should really start doing that” can feel overwhelming and may cause them to shut down. They are not in a place to take action yet, so offering immediate solutions could backfire.

Instead, focus on creating an environment where they can reflect on their current choices. Ask open-ended questions like, “How do you feel about your health right now?” or “What do you enjoy about your current routine?” These questions encourage introspection without imposing judgment or pressure to change. The goal is to plant seeds that may slowly help them shift from resistance to contemplation.

5. Focus on Education Without Overwhelming Them

People in the precontemplation stage may not be fully aware of the risks their current behaviors pose to their health. While it’s important to provide education, be cautious not to overload them with too much information or try to “scare” them into changing. Small, digestible facts about health can be more effective than bombarding them with overwhelming statistics or risks.

For example, if someone is not ready to give up a sedentary lifestyle, you could introduce simple, non-judgmental information: “Did you know that even just taking a short walk can boost your energy and mood?” This gentle approach helps them begin considering the benefits of healthy choices without feeling pressured.

6. Be Patient and Provide Support Over Time

Change is a slow process, especially for those who aren’t yet contemplating it. In the precontemplation stage, your role is to be a supportive resource they can turn to when they are ready to make a shift. Don’t expect immediate progress, and don’t get discouraged if they don’t seem to respond right away. The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open, so when they are ready to move to the next stage, they know they have someone they can trust to guide them.

In conclusion, the precontemplation stage is all about planting the seeds of awareness. Through empathetic listening, acknowledging the benefits of their current behavior, and providing non-judgmental support, you can help them begin to explore the possibility of change. Even if they aren’t ready yet, the foundation you build during this stage can make all the difference when they are ready to take their first real steps toward healthier habits.

Behavior change: The Contemplation stage

In the contemplation stage of behavioral change, the person remains sedentary but has begun to realize the consequences of their current choices regarding diet and exercise. At this point, they are no longer entirely resistant to the idea of change. Instead, they are thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons of making healthier lifestyle choices. They might express thoughts like, “I should probably start eating better” or “I might consider exercising more.”

These statements reflect the growing awareness that their current habits are having a negative impact on their health and well-being. However, they haven’t yet committed to taking action—they are still considering whether or not they should make a change.

In this stage, the individual is open to discussion, but they may feel uncertain or overwhelmed by the thought of changing long-standing habits. This is where you can make a significant impact by supporting and guiding them in a non-pressuring, empathetic way. Here’s how to help someone in the contemplation stage:

1. Establish Rapport and Build Trust

Building a foundation of trust is essential, just as it is in the precontemplation stage. Since the person is now more open to discussing change, you can deepen the rapport by exploring their thoughts and feelings more openly.

To build trust, it’s important to validate their concerns without pushing them too hard. For instance, individuals might voice concerns about the time required for exercise or the challenge of adhering to a healthier diet. Rather than ignoring these concerns, it’s important to recognize them: “Feeling uncertain about incorporating exercise into a hectic schedule is completely normal. A lot of people feel that way.”

By showing empathy and understanding, you create a safe space where they feel comfortable exploring their thoughts about change.

2. Listen to the Client and Guide the Conversation

In the contemplation stage, listening remains one of the most crucial tools for building trust, but now you can also take on a more active role in guiding the conversation. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to reflect on their thoughts and feelings about change. For example, you might ask, “What’s motivating you to think about changing your eating habits?” or “How do you feel about the idea of starting to exercise regularly?” These types of questions allow them to express their ambivalence, which is a natural part of the contemplation stage.

As they talk about their uncertainties, provide gentle guidance by helping them clarify their motivations. For instance, if they mention wanting to feel more energetic or prevent future health problems, reinforce these positive motivations: “It sounds like feeling more energetic would really improve your day-to-day life. That’s a great reason to start thinking about some healthy changes.” This approach helps them focus on the benefits of change, which can gradually strengthen their readiness to take action.

Additionally, you can begin to offer information that helps them make informed decisions. For example, if they express interest in healthier eating, you could provide simple, actionable ideas such as, “Did you know that starting with small changes, like adding more vegetables to your meals, can have a big impact on your overall health?” The goal here is to provide useful knowledge without overwhelming them or making them feel pressured.

3. Explore and Address Ambivalence

Ambivalence is the hallmark of the contemplation stage—people are aware of the need to change but are still hesitant or unsure about how to proceed. You can help by exploring their ambivalence in a non-judgmental way. For instance, you could ask, “What do you see as the main challenges of making these changes?” This question invites them to articulate the barriers they’re facing, whether it’s fear of failure, lack of time, or feeling overwhelmed by where to start.

Once they’ve expressed these concerns, offer validation: “It’s completely normal to feel worried about how challenging this might be, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before.” Then, gently introduce ways to overcome these barriers. For instance, you might say, “A lot of people feel the same way at first, but starting small—like with a short 10-minute walk—can make it easier to get into a routine.” The idea is to help them see that their concerns are manageable and that change doesn’t have to be as daunting as it might seem.

4. Commend your loved one for Thinking of Implementing Healthy Lifestyle Changes

At this stage, it’s crucial to recognize the importance of their shift in mindset. Even though they haven’t taken action yet, the fact that they’re thinking about change is a significant step forward. Positive reinforcement can be incredibly motivating, so take the time to commend them for their progress. You might say, “It’s fantastic that you’re thinking about how improving your diet could benefit your health. Just considering these changes shows that you’re already moving in the right direction.”

This kind of encouragement helps build their confidence and reinforces the idea that contemplating change is itself a meaningful step. They may not feel ready to dive into action just yet, but acknowledging their thought process can give them a sense of accomplishment and reduce the anxiety that often comes with uncertainty.

5. Help Them Visualize Success

One effective strategy at this stage is to help them visualize what success might look like. You can guide them in imagining the potential benefits of making healthier choices without pressuring them to take immediate action. For example, ask questions like, “What would your day look like if you had more energy?” or “How do you think you’d feel if you started exercising regularly?” This kind of visualization helps them begin to picture themselves living a healthier lifestyle, making the concept of change more tangible and appealing.

By focusing on the positive outcomes, you can also help them shift their perspective from one of fear or uncertainty to one of hope and possibility. For many, this can be a turning point in moving from contemplation to preparation, as they start to see the value in taking the next step toward healthier habits.

6. Be Patient and Offer Support for Their Decision-Making Process

In the contemplation stage, it’s important to remember that change takes time. While they may be seriously considering healthier choices, they are not ready for action yet—and that’s okay. Your role is to support their decision-making process without rushing them. Be patient as they navigate their feelings and continue to build trust through active listening, encouragement, and information sharing.

Let them know that whenever they’re ready to take the next step, you’ll be there to guide them. This ensures that they don’t feel alone in the process and can rely on your support when they feel ready to move forward. The person is thinking of changing and may say things like “I should” or “I might”.

Behavior change: The Preparation stage

Upon reaching the preparation stage of behavioral change, individuals begin to take small steps to integrate physical activity into their lives. They start to act, though their efforts may be irregular. Early attempts may include sporadic gym visits, running once or twice a week, or experimenting with new fitness routines. Yet, these workout sessions often lack consistency and a structured routine.

Despite the inconsistency, individuals in the preparation stage are committed to making a real change. They are ready to adopt a more active lifestyle and often express this newfound determination through statements like “I will start exercising more regularly,” “I’m going to commit to working out,” or “I’m ready to make this part of my routine.” Their mindset has shifted from hesitation or uncertainty to a clear intention to move forward with healthier habits.

While they haven’t yet developed a fully consistent exercise routine, their readiness and willingness to take the next step are strong indicators that they are on the cusp of making lasting changes. In this stage, they are typically looking for strategies, guidance, and a plan to turn their sporadic efforts into a more structured and sustainable fitness routine.

1. Encouragement and Support

In the preparation stage, encouragement is key. The individual has already made an important decision—they’ve gone from thinking about change to taking small actions—and this shift deserves recognition and support. Commending them for their early efforts can be incredibly motivating. You could say something like, “It’s fantastic that you’ve started going to the gym and taking those runs. It shows that you’re committed to making real changes in your life.”

Positive reinforcement helps solidify their determination and can encourage them to maintain or even increase their efforts. Acknowledge that even though their exercise routine may be inconsistent now, starting is the hardest part, and they’ve already crossed that hurdle.

2. Help Them Build a Plan

One of the biggest challenges individuals in the preparation stage face is turning their early efforts into a consistent routine. While they may have started exercising, they often lack the structure necessary to keep it up long-term. This is where you can step in to offer practical help.

Work with them to create a more structured plan that fits their lifestyle. Encourage them to think about their goals and how they can achieve them in a realistic way. Ask questions like, “What days and times work best for you to exercise?” or “What type of workouts do you enjoy most?” By helping them identify what’s manageable and enjoyable, you can assist in setting up a routine that they are more likely to stick to.

At this stage, it’s important to keep the plan flexible and achievable. For example, instead of suggesting that they commit to daily workouts right away, you might encourage them to aim for three or four sessions per week. This will help them build consistency without feeling overwhelmed or risking burnout.

3. Focus on Setting Specific, Realistic Goals

In the preparation stage, individuals are often enthusiastic and ready to make change, but without clear goals, it can be easy to lose focus. Helping them set specific, realistic goals is a great way to give direction to their efforts. Instead of vague goals like “exercise more,” guide them toward measurable objectives such as “I will run for 20 minutes three times a week” or “I will attend two fitness classes this week.”

Breaking larger goals down into smaller, more manageable steps can make the process feel less intimidating. Additionally, working toward specific goals gives them a sense of accomplishment when they meet those milestones, further reinforcing their commitment to an active lifestyle.

4. Address Potential Barriers

Even though individuals in the preparation stage are ready for change, they may still encounter barriers that can prevent them from turning their intentions into a consistent habit. These barriers might include a busy schedule, lack of access to a gym, or simply not knowing where to start with fitness routines.

Helping them identify and address these barriers is critical for their success. For example, if time is a challenge, you could help them brainstorm ways to fit shorter workouts into their day, such as a quick 15-minute session in the morning or a lunchtime walk. If they feel overwhelmed by what kind of exercise to do, you might suggest a beginner-friendly class or introduce them to a simple home workout routine that doesn’t require special equipment.

By acknowledging these potential challenges early on and working with them to find solutions, you can help prevent setbacks that might cause them to lose motivation.

5. Encourage a Gradual Approach

While individuals in the preparation stage are eager to take action, it’s important to remind them that change doesn’t have to happen all at once. Encouraging a gradual approach can help prevent burnout and injury, and it increases the likelihood of long-term success. Instead of jumping into an intense workout schedule, suggest that they gradually build up their activity level over time.

For instance, they could start with shorter, less intense workouts and slowly increase the duration and intensity as they build their fitness levels. This approach allows their body to adjust to the new activity while maintaining motivation because the goals feel more attainable.

6. Provide Resources and Accountability

In the preparation stage, individuals are often looking for guidance and resources to help them succeed. Whether it’s workout plans, tips for staying motivated, or advice on nutrition, offering resources tailored to their needs can make the transition to a more active lifestyle smoother.

Additionally, offering to check in with them regularly or suggesting they find an accountability partner—whether a friend, family member, or personal trainer—can significantly boost their commitment. Having someone to share progress with, or to keep them accountable when motivation dips, can make all the difference.

Conclusion

The preparation stage is a pivotal time when individuals are mentally and emotionally ready to make a change, and they’ve already started taking small steps toward a more active lifestyle. While their efforts may still be inconsistent, their commitment is growing stronger, and they are on the verge of developing long-lasting habits. By offering encouragement, helping them create a structured plan, and addressing potential barriers, you can support them as they transition from sporadic efforts to a more consistent, sustainable routine.

Behavior change: The Action stage

In the action stage of behavioral change, individuals are now consistently engaging in regular physical activity. At this point, their workouts are no longer sporadic or occasional—they have become a regular part of their routine. A person in this stage might express their commitment by saying things like, “I am now working out regularly” or “I’m finally sticking to my exercise plan.”

This phase is full of momentum, and individuals often feel a great sense of accomplishment as they begin to see the fruits of their labor. Whether it’s increased energy, improved fitness, or positive changes in their mood, the benefits of regular physical activity are starting to become evident.

Despite this progress, they are still in a vulnerable stage—the risk of relapse into old habits is high if they don’t have the proper support, reinforcement, and strategies in place to maintain their new routine.

The action stage is about solidifying new behaviors and making them a permanent part of one’s lifestyle. During this time, it’s essential to focus on maintaining motivation, celebrating successes, and navigating any obstacles that may arise.

Behavior change: The Maintenance stage

Were you exercising regularly and consistently for six months or more? If so, then hallelujah! You’ve reached the maintenance stage of behavioral change, which is a significant accomplishment. This stage represents the culmination of your hard work, persistence, and dedication to making exercise a lasting part of your life. You’ve moved beyond the early challenges and have developed a structured routine that works for you. At this point, physical activity is no longer something you’re simply trying to fit into your life—it’s become a natural and ingrained habit. A person in this stage might confidently say, “I am active” or “I am living a healthy lifestyle.”

The maintenance stage is all about sustaining the progress you’ve made. You’re not only committed to staying active but have also found ways to integrate fitness into your daily life without it feeling like a burden or an afterthought. Regular exercise has become part of your identity, and you’ve likely seen and felt the many benefits it brings—whether it’s increased energy, better mood, improved strength and endurance, or enhanced overall health.

However, reaching the maintenance stage doesn’t mean the journey is over. It’s important to recognize that maintaining this new lifestyle requires ongoing effort, adaptability, and sometimes, renewed motivation. The key in this stage is to prevent relapse, stay inspired, and continue finding new ways to challenge yourself so that fitness remains a fulfilling and enjoyable part of your life.

1. Celebrate Long-Term Success

Reaching the maintenance stage is a major achievement, and it’s important to take time to celebrate the journey that brought you here. You’ve committed to regular exercise for six months or more, overcoming the initial hurdles of starting a routine, staying motivated, and pushing through setbacks or challenges. Acknowledging this success helps reinforce the positive behaviors that got you to this point.

Celebrate by reflecting on how far you’ve come, whether it’s a significant improvement in fitness, a shift in mindset, or how exercise has positively impacted other areas of your life, such as stress management or self-confidence. Sharing your success with friends, family, or a support group can also provide a sense of accomplishment and validation. This celebration of success can help strengthen your commitment to maintaining your new lifestyle.

2. Keep the Routine Fresh and Exciting

One of the challenges of the maintenance stage is keeping things interesting and engaging. After months of sticking to a regular workout routine, it’s natural for exercise to start feeling a bit repetitive or monotonous. To prevent boredom or burnout, it’s important to continue exploring new activities and goals that challenge you in different ways.

Consider mixing things up by trying new forms of exercise—whether it’s joining a group class, experimenting with different types of workouts like yoga, swimming, or strength training, or setting fresh fitness goals, such as running a race or participating in a fitness event. By continuing to explore different aspects of fitness, you can keep your routine dynamic, maintain your enthusiasm, and prevent it from becoming stale.

Additionally, periodically revisiting and adjusting your goals can help keep you motivated. For instance, if your original goal was to work out three times a week, perhaps now it’s time to aim for four sessions or to focus on improving your strength or endurance. The maintenance stage isn’t just about keeping the status quo—it’s about evolving and growing in your fitness journey.

3. Stay Aware of Potential Setbacks

Even in the maintenance stage, it’s important to recognize that setbacks can still happen. Life events, stress, or changes in routine—such as a new job, family obligations, or even an injury—can disrupt your exercise routine and make it challenging to stay consistent. The key to maintaining your progress is developing a mindset that’s both resilient and flexible.

Instead of viewing setbacks as failures, see them as temporary obstacles that can be overcome. For example, if you’re traveling or have a busy work week, think about how you can modify your routine rather than skipping it altogether. Shorter workouts, bodyweight exercises that can be done anywhere, or simply adding more movement to your daily life (like walking more) can help you stay active during these times.

The maintenance stage isn’t about being perfect—it’s about staying adaptable. If you do experience a lapse in your routine, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, focus on how to get back on track as soon as you can. Remind yourself of the benefits you’ve gained from staying active and use that as motivation to regain your rhythm.

4. Focus on Long-Term Health Benefits

One of the hallmarks of the maintenance stage is that the focus shifts from short-term goals to the long-term benefits of regular physical activity. At this point, you’re not just working out to meet a specific target, but to support your overall health, longevity, and quality of life. Regular exercise has become a lifestyle, and the benefits extend beyond physical fitness—they affect your mental health, emotional well-being, and even your social life.

In the long term, regular physical activity can help reduce the risk of chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and certain cancers. It can improve cognitive function, boost your immune system, and help you maintain a healthy weight. Additionally, staying active can contribute to better sleep, reduced stress, and greater emotional resilience.

Understanding the big picture of how exercise supports your long-term health and well-being can help keep you motivated, even during challenging times. The maintenance stage is about making sure that physical activity remains a non-negotiable part of your life, not just for short-term gains but for its lifelong benefits.

5. Strengthen Social Support

While your commitment to exercise has become stronger during the maintenance stage, having a solid network of social support can make it even easier to stay on track. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals—whether it’s workout partners, fitness groups, or friends who share your goals—can provide encouragement and accountability.

Having people who share your fitness journey can make workouts more fun and enjoyable, while also giving you a source of motivation when things get tough. You might also consider mentoring or encouraging others who are earlier in their fitness journeys, which can reinforce your own commitment while helping others develop a healthy lifestyle.

6. Reinforce the Identity of an Active Person

In the maintenance stage, it’s important to continue reinforcing the idea that being physically active is part of your identity. Rather than seeing exercise as something you “have to do,” it becomes something you are. You are no longer someone who simply works out—you are a person who leads an active lifestyle. By internalizing this identity, you’re more likely to maintain your commitment to regular physical activity, as it becomes an intrinsic part of who you are.

This shift in self-perception is one of the strongest predictors of long-term success. The more you see yourself as someone who values fitness and health, the more naturally you’ll continue making choices that align with that identity. Affirm this by saying things like, “I am an active person,” “I am someone who takes care of my body,” or “I am committed to my health.”

Conclusion

The maintenance stage is a testament to your dedication and consistency. You’ve successfully built regular physical activity into your life for six months or more, and now, exercise is no longer a short-term goal but a permanent part of your routine. While this stage represents a major milestone, it also comes with the responsibility of sustaining the progress you’ve made and adapting to any challenges that come your way.

By staying motivated, celebrating your success, and continuing to evolve your fitness routine, you can ensure that physical activity remains a lifelong habit that supports your health, well-being, and personal growth.